


forgiveness takes time

by claruh



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, M/M, Post-IT (2017), ig this can be seen as shippy? wasnt intentional but i love their dynamic so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:14:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26991238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/claruh/pseuds/claruh
Summary: ‘Bill had told him they’d never leave him again. That he was going to be okay, but Stanley didn’t reply. He was crying. They all were.’
Relationships: Bill Denbrough & Stanley Uris, Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris
Kudos: 13





	forgiveness takes time

_ “I hate you.” _

Stan’s words echoed back in Bill’s mind. 

He was clearly joking, made clear by him ending the statement with a grin, but still. Still, Bill knew that he was guilty, and that deep down Stan probably did hate him. All the losers probably hated him after he dragged them through hell and back just to get nothing out of it. 

He wanted to apologize to them all, especially Stan, but he didn’t. Of course he didn’t. 

Bill felt like a coward compared to all his friends. They had all gone through so much for him, and he did nothing in return except make up some stupid oath. He just wanted them all to be okay. He wanted to be okay. 

Richie and he had fought so much, literally having to be restrained by their friends, and yet Richie was still there for him in the end. He probably wouldn’t be alive without Richie. 

Beverly, who had been captured by IT, still had a smile on her face after everything that had happened. She believed in Bill, in all of them. 

Stan. Stan had almost had his face ripped off by the clown, and had believed his friends abandoned him. Bill could still remember the look on Stan’s face when they had found him again. It was a mix of terror and anger and every emotion a human could have. 

Bill had told him they’d never leave him again. That he was going to be okay, but Stanley didn’t reply. He was crying. They all were. 

In the clearing, after the blood oath, he had watched Stan walk away with tears in his eyes looking so afraid. So.. broken. But he didn’t stop him. He was going to be alone again, and Bill didn’t go after him. Bill had broken his promise already. 

After all the losers had left he sat in the clearing, alone, contemplating the past months.

-

Georgie was gone. His parents blamed him. Pennywise would come back. His friends.. Stan.  _ Especially _ Stan.

-

Eventually, he got up and got on his bike before pedaling to Stan’s house, almost instinctively. He nearly dropped the bike to the ground, but decided to park it upright in the hopes Stan would maybe notice. 

He walked up to the door and knocked politely, Stan’s father answering the door almost immediately. 

He was basically unphased by Bill randomly coming to visit at this point, “Stan’s upstairs. He could probably use some company.”

Bill just nodded and ran up the stairs and opened the door to Stan’s room. He was sitting on his bed with a book in his lap, but his attention was on the cut on his hand. His eyes widened as he noticed Bill in the doorway. 

“What is it?” He came across harshly, but at this point he didn’t care. He didn’t want to hide how angry he was anymore. 

“I- I came to say sorry.” He hesitated before sitting down on the edge of Stan’s bed. “I’m so sorry.” Stan just looked at him, and he looked right back.

“I don’t know what to say Bill.”

“You don’t n-need to say anything.” He sighed. “Stan I have s-so much I want to tell you. T-too much.”

“Say it then.” He felt bad for being so aggressive, especially if Bill really had come all this way just to apologize to him. 

“You m-matter so much, and I’m so fucking s-sorry you thought we would ever leave you. We won’t.  _ I won’t. _ I promise.” He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. “I never meant to hurt you or anyone. I was selfish, and I probably always will be. I’m so sorry. So fucking sorry..” 

Stan was still just looking at him with a mix of skepticism and sadness across his face, “I can’t forgive you.” Bill felt the first of the tears in his eyes slip out. Stan reached out and touched Bill’s arm gently, “Not yet. We’ll be okay at some point.” His hand dropped back into his lap quickly. 

“Y-yeah..” He felt more tears slide down his face and rubbed his eyes. “I- I just- You mean so much to  _ me _ and everyone else. I want y-you to know that.”

Stan looked like he was going to start crying, “I know. I’m sorry I ever doubted that.”

“You shouldn’t be apologizing.”

“I-“ He trailed off. “I’m still sorry.”

“Stan.” Bill attempted to make his voice sound firm, but he just sounded even more upset. “You deserve b-better friends. You really do.”

“You all are the best group of people I have ever met. I wouldn’t trade that for anything.” 

“B-but- your- You would be so much happier.”

“Would I?” He chuckled sadly to himself. “Bill you make-“ He trailed off and looked up at Bill, the first of his first tears slipping down his face. “Made. Made me so happy. Everyone did.”

Bill didn’t respond, but he didn’t have to. Stan closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He scrutinized every detail of Stan’s face during that moment. The tear tracks running down his face, the bandages haphazardly circling his head. He opened his eyes again and Bill diverted his eyes. 

“Stan I- I j-just..”

“You don’t need to keep apologizing. It won’t magically fix everything, but that’s okay. It takes time, and if you’re willing to wait, I am too.”

“I am. I will.”

“Okay.” Stan just nodded, his face no longer showing any emotion. “Did you come all the way here just for that?”

“Y-yeah. I needed to say  _ something _ .”

“I’m glad you did.” He reached out and held one of Bill’s hands. “Really, I am.” He sighed with a sad smile across his face. “You know we all look up to you, right?”

“W-what?”

“You’re so fucking brave Bill. Like-“ He let go of Bill’s hand and gestured vaguely. “I wouldn’t have gone through Neibolt for anyone else.” 

“I-“ He rubbed his eyes again. “Thank you, b-but if I-I’m the leader then you’re the glue of us all.”

“Me?” Stan managed a laugh. “I’m the last person I’d cast as that role.”

“B-but you are, really.” Stan just chuckled, rubbing his eyes in an attempt to rid them of tears. 

“Thank you Bill.” He had a small smile on his face. Hesitantly, he touched the side of Bill’s face, “You mean so much to me, you know that, right? It’d be impossible for me to hate you forever.” Bill placed his hand over Stan’s and they both smiled. 


End file.
